Wednesday, September 10, 2008

What is wrong with going stir-crazy?

You start to look at staplers in a whole new light. Here's a review. Sorry for the funky formatting, Blogger is being a tad weird tonight.


Since the beginning of time, I have had many staplers. I have had a standard workhorse stapler that got the job done but didn't exactly set the world on fire with its ergonomic design. I have had a pop-culture referential red stapler that was a good for nothing layabout that jammed half the time, very frustrating when you can't find a paperclip, let me tell you! But none, have compared to the stapler I have in my hot little hand right now.

It's a Stanley Bostitch, for those of you in the know, you'd already be aware of it's competition leading efficiency, but this year Stanley have truly blown me away with a mixture of form and function that is hard to beat.

Yea, if God had a stapler, it would verily be a Stanley Bostitch. Yet there is something darker about this device that speaks to a more satanic origin, almost if it were calling to me to do unspeakable acts.

It's just

Let's begin with the essential functions and work our way up to the more elegant design shall we?

First of all, you'll no doubt be relieved to hear that it holds a standard 10mm clip so you'll no longer have to worry about getting to the specialty staples shop before it closes. If I had a stapler for all the times I've been caught outside the staples store at closing time, I would be in some sort of orgasmic nirvana.

It's spring loaded, so it operates quite like the standard stapler, which you would think would be something holding it back from greatness but instead I see it as a plus. Think back on all the great innovations of stapler loading mechanism history, and you'll find that the spring loaded is indeed the mechanism that has stood the test of time. Indeed, it's so simple to operate that a child could do it (ages 5 and up).

Once you have your staples ready to go, you'll want to know if the stapler can go all night which I mean whether it won't fail you on sheet 999 of a massive stapling party.

I'm pleased to report that it can go the distance and more, its stamina was quite a pleasant surprise that it had me wondering why I ever went around that that stupid old my pocket.

You could literally staple all day with the Stanley Bostitch, it's that reliable, and the satisfaction you get from the crisp sound of paper being penetrated kept this reviewer up through many a lonely night.

But now, we come to the real sexiness, its design.

It employs the Strapford-upon-Hertforshire school of stapler design, and the Stanley Bostitch has all the hallmarks of veteran designer Thomas Scrote.

None of this smooth and sleek design that have you in two minds as to whether or not you're looking at a stapler, instead, the Scrote design leaves you in no doubt as to what you're looking at. He manages to capture the aesthetic of stapler deign over the last 50 years and condense it into something so pure, to typical of the beauty of the stapler that, I'm not afraid to admit this, I bawled like it was my first stapler all over again.

By God I'm glad I have my Scrote...umm...Scrote-designed stapler by my side!

In summary, if you appreciate the beauty and raw sexual power of the stapler, you have to buy the [i]Stanley Bostitch for you and everybody you know. Together, we can make the whole world cry with the sounds of a million sheets of paper being penetrated by the [i]Bostitch.

It's quite simply, a masterpiece of stapler deign and this will be the model that they study in classrooms for years to come.


P.S- I'm so lonely.

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